A Hand at Hanging Out: The Commitment to Building Connection
While hanging out may come easily to most of us—laughing with friends, sharing a good story or experience, comforting a loved one in times of sadness— we should celebrate its intangible rewards. That natural, seamless back-and-forth exchange makes us feel warm, bonded, validated, and loved. Those relationships forged help define us as individuals.
Now imagine if the ease of conversation, introductions, shaking hands, making eye contact, or knowing when to laugh is foreign, ill-timed, and awkward. We take for granted the ease of making connections essential to our social experience as humans—our formative years with schools and families, and certainly beyond in the workplace and life.
I spoke to Justyna Balzar, co-founder with Meghan Perazella of The Hangout Spot in Norwalk, Connecticut, which offers play and social skills instruction rooted in Applied Behavior Analysis for children of all ages and abilities. Balzar has devoted her career to working with children and, most specifically, to bringing attention to the importance of social interactions.
Can you share how you got into this work?
In high school, I started babysitting for a young boy on the spectrum. We developed a strong rapport, and I taught him many daily living skills, like putting on your coat or shoes and going with the flow—things that came naturally. The boy was attending an ABA program, and given the relationship and connection we built, his parents invited me to join his therapist team. That’s how the journey started. From there, I fell in love with working with kids with various disabilities.
Inclusiveness & Building Relationships
Can you describe the Hangout Spot's mission and the population you target?
“We have found that what makes life meaningful is the connection with other people. ”
At the Hangout Spot, we are deeply dedicated to creating opportunities and an environment where individuals of all ages and abilities feel welcome. Here, they can find their people, learn the skills they need to be socially successful and develop meaningful reciprocal relationships with others.
When working on school systems, it was really hard to see how many of the children we worked with had barriers to friendship and how little of an emphasis was placed on teaching those skills so they could build those connections.
We made a vow and commitment to create opportunities within our community so that every child or individual who walks through our door can find that sense of community.
Teaching Through Practice
How do you address the skills that you wish to target?
The exact approach depends on the client's age and ability. It’s about creating natural contextual practice opportunities so that kids can use the skills they need to succeed in a context that closely resembles what they would find in their daily environment.
Our primary mission and our primary teaching methodology is through practice. That's the missing piece between “being able to talk about something” and actually doing it.
You could read a book on swimming and learn all the things you need to do to be a successful swimmer, but if you never actually get into a pool and someone throws you in it, chances are you will probably not be very successful.
The missing component between learning and not learning these skills and using them is that practice. You don't feel comfortable or confident if you don’t develop that muscle memory. If you are not confident, you will not use those skills when needed, even if you can talk about them.
Developing muscle memory through practice is a huge part of our work. Without that, our program wouldn't be what it is.
What is behavior skills training?
Behavioral skills training is a teaching package consisting of four steps, which help us bridge the gap between being able to talk about something and doing it.
It consists of instruction: a teaching component to the skill we are trying to learn. Then, it moves to modeling. The instructors demonstrate what that skill looks or sounds like. That's followed by a role play where we practice the skill in made-up situations to get into the feel of what that looks and sounds like and start to develop that muscle memory. Then, the feedback component: praise for the parts of the skill that are demonstrated correctly and opportunities to adjust to that response in the future to get closer to mastering that skill.
Behavior Skills Instruction
(1) Demonstrate & Teach
(2) Modeling
(3) Role Play
(3) Feedback & Praise
What is Applied Behavior Analysis?
Applied behavior analysis is the science of learning and behavior. It is all about understanding how behavior interacts with and is impacted and shaped by the environment around it.
It seeks to understand what aspects of the environment help to develop functional and successful behaviors and what aspects of the environment support the development of behaviors we need to replace with something else.
What brings you the greatest joy in your work?
At the end of every season at the Hangout Spot, we survey our clients, the kids, teens, and young adults we work with, to rate their experiences so we can learn from them. That feedback fuels our work.
We hear things like, “I finally have friends.”
“I didn't realize I could make friends.”
It is invaluable to see that we are impacting individuals not only within our center but that they are translating those skills and building connections beyond our walls.
“I just got invited to my first birthday party.”
“Someone in school just started to talk to me for the first time because I started to do and use the things I’ve learned here.”
Shifting the Focus to Social Skills
What have you found to be your greatest challenge?
My greatest frustration is with some of the environments and systems that make it difficult for individuals we work with to learn certain skills, access certain resources, develop meaningful relationships and get the people around them on board with supporting the development of those skills.
There is a huge focus on academic success in the school system and in education in general, but there is not much thought and care being given to the development of successful social skills.
As long as a child is doing well academically, it does not necessarily matter if they have friends because as long as they are not engaging in any challenging behaviors, the school believes it has done its job. You may be the smartest person in the room, but if you don't have the skills to connect with others, what good is that knowledge?
It has been frustrating to figure out how to share information about the importance of relationship building and social skills with the people who can support that change and get them to understand that this is important—not an afterthought!
Early Indicators
How can we empower parents and other educators to better understand the importance of connection and socialization?
“Pay attention if a child is struggling socially or encountering barriers to friendship. Reach out and try to find a community because these skills can be taught like any other. ”
Look at all aspects of a child's development, not just academics. At the end of the day, social skills impact everything we do in terms of our success. If a child is missing foundational skills, such as tolerating waiting, accepting “no,” or unexpected changes, navigating a school-based setting or any other setting will be challenging because those happen regularly, multiple times a day.
We are constantly told we can't have something at the moment, that we have to wait for something, or that our plans are derailed, and ultimately, all of that impacts us.
My blog is titled The Shoes We Wear in honor of people with differences and the folks who support them. What shoes are you wearing? White sneakers!
